So we had our biweekly premarital dinner. It’s a dinner that we host for three couples in our community. We eat, laugh, fellowship and reprogram ourselves for the lifelong process of marriage. Tonight we studied Genesis 2 and God’s view on marriage and commitment. Lollie and I ordered some pizzas and we ran a little late. On our way to the take away our car suddenly stopped … We ran out of gas! I pushed the car to the nearest gas station – we were twenty minutes late for our dinner and pretty embarrassed. One of the things we studied tonight, was CS Lewis’s explanation of the difference between “being in love” and “love”. Giving our running out of gas, his last sentence was kind of ironic.

“And in fact, whatever people say, the state called ‘being in love’ usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending ‘They lived happily ever after’ is taken to mean ‘They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,’ then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense-love as distinct from ‘being in love’-is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.” CS Lewis, Mere Christianity.